Isidor Briar Durant (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heirtothedragonsfire) wrote2018-06-27 10:00 pm
heirtothedragonsfire) wrote2018-06-27 10:00 pm
Women of a Dynasty
It was a wonder no one came banging on her door. Perhaps some primitive instinct warned them to stay away, to turn and go anywhere but there.
As soon as she had set foot alone in her home it began. The howling that shook her tore through her throat from the pit of her stomach. Anguish pulled at her limbs, her arms seized and trembled as her hands clawed at her face. The room vibrated, heavy furniture rapping frantically against the floor until in one swift blast everything rocked for a final time. Isidor fell to her knees and wailed until only sobs could get past her worn throat.
She was so alone.
There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, no way of deflecting, no way of deferring. Some part of her had always known that she was shackled to duty. Only now she had found something greater, something more captivating than loyalty. Obedience, deference, submission. They had never been a problem when she had a choice. But this was not a choice. This was an instruction. An order from people she loved to turn away another she loved.
Loss loomed over her, waiting to see what to take from her.
Fear crept through her and air slipped from her lungs. Terror masqueraded as hope. Perhaps if she stayed still, if she did nothing, she would lose nothing. Perhaps if they all saw how low this brought her they would come together and support her… or be disgusted by her.
All she knew was that she was alone.
And though she was alone she saw a swirl of linen amid strong strides.
The hairs on the back of her neck prickled and her eyes grew wide. Tears rolled down her cheeks but her breathing was even as she sat up. She got to her feet, stepping out of her shoes and abandoning her jacket as she moved into her bedroom. Behind her the door closed suddenly, firmly, and she moved to the section of inbuilt storage closest to the tall windows. She stood in front of the panelling, took a deep breath, and waved her arm. The panels slid and turned until everything had revealed itself fully. Kneeling, Isidor sat back on her feet and carefully lit each candle, then the incense, and placed a colourful lotus into a bowl of water.
She bowed low, bending until her face was in her knees, and then rose again. “Isis, Mighty Mother, Wife of the Great Osiris, hear your daughter.” Again she bowed and rose, her voice rising with a sense of desperation. “Isis, beautiful in all your names, Fire of Creation, Queen of Wisdom. Hear me.” This time when she bowed it was harder to rise again. Her breath caught and she had to gasp to fill her lungs. “Isis, one who changes desire into flesh, who connects the earth to the soul, hear me!” Falling slowly, she bowed again, a sob shaking her shoulders. “Please…”
The light scent of the Egyptian Lotus touched her face, making bitter tears smell sweet…
“I just don’t know what to do. I feel so lost…”
… And the warm, exotic smoke of the incense wrapped around her.
She rose to a sit, rocking back and forth, feeling the feverishness taking hold of her body. “I know I should do it. I know I should, but I can’t. I can’t!”
Her hands splayed out on her thighs, her fingers diggings into her flesh. “I can’t!” A wail gave a voice to the tearing of her heart as love pulled it apart. She looked up at the perfect stone statue, at that unwavering stare, and begged through gritted teeth. “Please! It will be the death of me! It will kill me! I can’t!”
A moan crippled her, making her sag against her legs again. Her hair became a veil as it cascaded around her, and the world seemed quieter, warmer. “I tried… I tried not to care… not to love… I tried to be a good daughter… I tried so hard…”
She shook her head and growled. “I would have… dedicated myself to him… but for them. I would have… announced our love… but I couldn’t bear the thought of their disappointment…” Hot lines burned into her cheeks. “But I am a disappointment… I will bring them shame… I can’t stop it... It’s inevitable.”
“Please… I know it’s wrong… I know it’s cruel… I tried not to be cruel…” Her head rested against her legs and she sighed. “I tried so hard,” she whispered. “I wanted to tell him I loved him so many times… I wanted to say so much… To show him so much… To give him everything and not feel guilty… But I didn’t want to be cruel. I didn’t want to be the witch. I didn’t want to be the enchantress…!” Tears welled in her eyes again and she sobbed, “I don’t want him to think I bewitched him for fun. I didn’t. I didn’t do anything! I didn’t, you know I didn’t!”
“But this will kill him.” Her shoulders shook. “This will kill us both.”
The room spun wildly as she sat up and gasped for air. “I need to… I need to do something. I need to fix this!” Her hands grasped around her, searching, only to find nothing. Instead she slumped to one side and bowed on hands and knees. “Tell me what to do,” she whispered. “Tell me what I should do.”
Time was impossible to judge in the slow maelstrom she found herself in. She sat back and stared up at her goddess until her neck ached and her hands, slick with tears, dried. “What would you do?” A sharp pain shot through her heart as it soared with certainty. Isidor’s upper lip pulled back in a sneer. “You wouldn’t marry someone else just because your love had died.” The answer trickled into her mind like a steady stream, making her smile fade and her eyes gloss over. “You’d bring him back from the dead just to see him again… You’d crown him king of the underworld and stand by his side… You’d never let him go… Not even death would take him from you…”
It was as if something had clicked inside of her. Everything stilled and the tiniest flame of determination sparked up within her. A light so delicate that she didn’t move for fear of snuffing it.
“I’m not you… but I won’t leave him. I won’t abandon him.” Green eyes fixed on polished black stone. “I’m not you… but I am your gift, daughter of Despoina, a dragon. I’m not you… but I will follow your example.”
“I’ll make my own path.”
As soon as she had set foot alone in her home it began. The howling that shook her tore through her throat from the pit of her stomach. Anguish pulled at her limbs, her arms seized and trembled as her hands clawed at her face. The room vibrated, heavy furniture rapping frantically against the floor until in one swift blast everything rocked for a final time. Isidor fell to her knees and wailed until only sobs could get past her worn throat.
She was so alone.
There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, no way of deflecting, no way of deferring. Some part of her had always known that she was shackled to duty. Only now she had found something greater, something more captivating than loyalty. Obedience, deference, submission. They had never been a problem when she had a choice. But this was not a choice. This was an instruction. An order from people she loved to turn away another she loved.
Loss loomed over her, waiting to see what to take from her.
Fear crept through her and air slipped from her lungs. Terror masqueraded as hope. Perhaps if she stayed still, if she did nothing, she would lose nothing. Perhaps if they all saw how low this brought her they would come together and support her… or be disgusted by her.
All she knew was that she was alone.
And though she was alone she saw a swirl of linen amid strong strides.
The hairs on the back of her neck prickled and her eyes grew wide. Tears rolled down her cheeks but her breathing was even as she sat up. She got to her feet, stepping out of her shoes and abandoning her jacket as she moved into her bedroom. Behind her the door closed suddenly, firmly, and she moved to the section of inbuilt storage closest to the tall windows. She stood in front of the panelling, took a deep breath, and waved her arm. The panels slid and turned until everything had revealed itself fully. Kneeling, Isidor sat back on her feet and carefully lit each candle, then the incense, and placed a colourful lotus into a bowl of water.
She bowed low, bending until her face was in her knees, and then rose again. “Isis, Mighty Mother, Wife of the Great Osiris, hear your daughter.” Again she bowed and rose, her voice rising with a sense of desperation. “Isis, beautiful in all your names, Fire of Creation, Queen of Wisdom. Hear me.” This time when she bowed it was harder to rise again. Her breath caught and she had to gasp to fill her lungs. “Isis, one who changes desire into flesh, who connects the earth to the soul, hear me!” Falling slowly, she bowed again, a sob shaking her shoulders. “Please…”
The light scent of the Egyptian Lotus touched her face, making bitter tears smell sweet…
“I just don’t know what to do. I feel so lost…”
… And the warm, exotic smoke of the incense wrapped around her.
She rose to a sit, rocking back and forth, feeling the feverishness taking hold of her body. “I know I should do it. I know I should, but I can’t. I can’t!”
Her hands splayed out on her thighs, her fingers diggings into her flesh. “I can’t!” A wail gave a voice to the tearing of her heart as love pulled it apart. She looked up at the perfect stone statue, at that unwavering stare, and begged through gritted teeth. “Please! It will be the death of me! It will kill me! I can’t!”
A moan crippled her, making her sag against her legs again. Her hair became a veil as it cascaded around her, and the world seemed quieter, warmer. “I tried… I tried not to care… not to love… I tried to be a good daughter… I tried so hard…”
She shook her head and growled. “I would have… dedicated myself to him… but for them. I would have… announced our love… but I couldn’t bear the thought of their disappointment…” Hot lines burned into her cheeks. “But I am a disappointment… I will bring them shame… I can’t stop it... It’s inevitable.”
“Please… I know it’s wrong… I know it’s cruel… I tried not to be cruel…” Her head rested against her legs and she sighed. “I tried so hard,” she whispered. “I wanted to tell him I loved him so many times… I wanted to say so much… To show him so much… To give him everything and not feel guilty… But I didn’t want to be cruel. I didn’t want to be the witch. I didn’t want to be the enchantress…!” Tears welled in her eyes again and she sobbed, “I don’t want him to think I bewitched him for fun. I didn’t. I didn’t do anything! I didn’t, you know I didn’t!”
“But this will kill him.” Her shoulders shook. “This will kill us both.”
The room spun wildly as she sat up and gasped for air. “I need to… I need to do something. I need to fix this!” Her hands grasped around her, searching, only to find nothing. Instead she slumped to one side and bowed on hands and knees. “Tell me what to do,” she whispered. “Tell me what I should do.”
Time was impossible to judge in the slow maelstrom she found herself in. She sat back and stared up at her goddess until her neck ached and her hands, slick with tears, dried. “What would you do?” A sharp pain shot through her heart as it soared with certainty. Isidor’s upper lip pulled back in a sneer. “You wouldn’t marry someone else just because your love had died.” The answer trickled into her mind like a steady stream, making her smile fade and her eyes gloss over. “You’d bring him back from the dead just to see him again… You’d crown him king of the underworld and stand by his side… You’d never let him go… Not even death would take him from you…”
It was as if something had clicked inside of her. Everything stilled and the tiniest flame of determination sparked up within her. A light so delicate that she didn’t move for fear of snuffing it.
“I’m not you… but I won’t leave him. I won’t abandon him.” Green eyes fixed on polished black stone. “I’m not you… but I am your gift, daughter of Despoina, a dragon. I’m not you… but I will follow your example.”
“I’ll make my own path.”