Isidor Briar Durant (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heirtothedragonsfire) wrote2019-01-27 09:53 pm
heirtothedragonsfire) wrote2019-01-27 09:53 pm
Love
This is how they did it.
All those impossible tasks done by impossible people. All her heroes. When her mother told her the Archon had managed to survive through so much and change their world as he did because he was driven by love of his family, it was hard to understand. She only remembered him smiling twice ever. He never laughed. There was no shred of joy in his features.
But there was love.
Isidor hadn’t realised that until now. Not really. Not in any deep, comprehensible way.
There was so much to do and so many people who relied on her. When she walked from one building to another she saw the faces of people who were starving, ill, grief stricken. Those faces put a weight on her as she’d never felt before. One she knew she could unburden herself of at any time. She could take as much food as she desired and protect it from everyone, along with everyone she cared about. Who could stop her? Who had the power to stop her?
But then there was love.
Viatorus saw her as a hero. Harrowheart saw her as a goddess. She needed to be more for them. She needed to protect the things they cared about, not just the things she loved. She needed to be worth every bit of their love for her. Most of all, she needed to show them that she loved them too.
And oh… That love…
That love carved her into a hollow husk with its storm of fear and fury that raged stronger than the gales that rattled the windows. Constant, relentless anxiety bit and scratched at her from the inside out. Demons that tortured her at love’s instruction. There was no room for hope if there was love. She cared too much to pretend to believe in fairy tales and dreams. There was no room for joy. Not when she had to be ready to protect what mattered most to her. There was no room for peace. Not when there was such a fear of losing what she loved.
The smiles became harder to fake. The bullshit became impossible to withstand. The incompetence became unacceptable. It was as though her features became iced over, fixed in place. And when she looked at herself in the mirror one day, months into the winter storm, she saw the Archon staring back at her.
She saw it then.
Love.
All those impossible tasks done by impossible people. All her heroes. When her mother told her the Archon had managed to survive through so much and change their world as he did because he was driven by love of his family, it was hard to understand. She only remembered him smiling twice ever. He never laughed. There was no shred of joy in his features.
But there was love.
Isidor hadn’t realised that until now. Not really. Not in any deep, comprehensible way.
There was so much to do and so many people who relied on her. When she walked from one building to another she saw the faces of people who were starving, ill, grief stricken. Those faces put a weight on her as she’d never felt before. One she knew she could unburden herself of at any time. She could take as much food as she desired and protect it from everyone, along with everyone she cared about. Who could stop her? Who had the power to stop her?
But then there was love.
Viatorus saw her as a hero. Harrowheart saw her as a goddess. She needed to be more for them. She needed to protect the things they cared about, not just the things she loved. She needed to be worth every bit of their love for her. Most of all, she needed to show them that she loved them too.
And oh… That love…
That love carved her into a hollow husk with its storm of fear and fury that raged stronger than the gales that rattled the windows. Constant, relentless anxiety bit and scratched at her from the inside out. Demons that tortured her at love’s instruction. There was no room for hope if there was love. She cared too much to pretend to believe in fairy tales and dreams. There was no room for joy. Not when she had to be ready to protect what mattered most to her. There was no room for peace. Not when there was such a fear of losing what she loved.
The smiles became harder to fake. The bullshit became impossible to withstand. The incompetence became unacceptable. It was as though her features became iced over, fixed in place. And when she looked at herself in the mirror one day, months into the winter storm, she saw the Archon staring back at her.
She saw it then.
Love.